笑话大全

Theyhavefinallybeenreleased!ForthosenotfamiliarwiththeDarwinAward,It'sanannualhonorgiventothepersonwhoprovidedtheuniversalhumangenepoolthebiggestservicebygettingkilledinthemostextraordinarilystupidway.Asalways,competitionthisyearhasbeenkeenagain.Somecandidatesappeartohavetrainedtheirwholelivesforthisevent!



DARWINAWARDCANDIDATES


1.InSeptemberinDetroit,a41-year-oldmangotstuckanddrownedintwofeetofwateraftersqueezingheadfirstthroughan18-inch-widesewergratetoretrievehiscarkeys.

2.InOctober,a49-year-oldSanFranciscostockbroker,whowasalways"totallyfocusedwhenheran,"accordingtohiswife,accidentallyjoggedoffa100-foot-highcliffonhisdailyrun.

3.Buxton,NC:Amandiedonabeachwhenan8-foot-deepholehehaddugintothesandcavedinashesatinsideit.BeachgoerssaidDanielJones,21dugtheholeforfun,orprotectionfromthewind,andhadbeensittinginabeachchairatthebottomThursdayafternoonwhenitcollapsed,buryinghimbeneath5feetofsand.Peopleonthebeach,ontheouterbanks,usedtheirhandsandshovels,tryingtoclawtheirwaytoJones,aresidentofWoodbridge,VA,butcouldnotreachhim.Ittookrescueworkersusingheavyequipmentalmostanhourtofreehimwhileabout200peoplelookedon.Joneswaspronounceddeadatahospital.

4.InFebruary,SantiagoAlvarado,24,waskilledinLompoc,CA,ashefellface-firstthroughtheceilingofbicycleshophewasburglarising.Deathwascausedwhenthelongflashlighthehadplacedinhismouth(tokeephishandsfree)rammedintothebaseofhisskullashehitthefloor.

5.AccordingtopoliceinDahlonega,GA,ROTCcadetNickBerrena,20,wasstabbedtodeathinJanuarybyfellowcadetJeffreyHoffman,23,whowastryingtoprovethataknifecouldnotpenetratetheflakvestBerrenawaswearing.

6.SylvesterBriddell,Jr,26,waskilledinFebruaryinSelbyville,Del,ashewonabetwithfriendswhosaidhewouldnotputarevolverloadedwithfourbulletsintohismouthandpullthetrigger.

7.InFebruary,accordingtopoliceinWindsor,Ontario,DanielKolta,27,andRandyTaylor,33,diedinahead-oncollision,thusearningatieinthegameofchickentheywereplayingwiththeirsnowmobiles.



DARWINAWARDHONOURABLEMENTIONS


1.InGuthrie,Okla,inOctober,JasonHecktriedtokillamillipedewithashotfromhis22-calibrerifle,butthebulletricochetedoffarock>neartheholeandhitpalAntonioMartinezinthehead,fracturinghisskull.

2.InElyria,Ohio,inOctober,MartynEskins,attemptingtocleanoutcobwebsinhisbasement,declinedtouseabroominfavorofapropanetorchandcausedafirethatburnedthefirstandsecondfloorsofhishouse.

3.PaulStiller,47,washospitalizedinAndoverTownship,NJ,inSeptember,andhiswifeBonniewasalsoinjured,byaquarter-stickofdynamitethatblewupintheircar.Whiledrivingaroundat2AM,theboredcouplelitthedynamiteandtriedtotossitoutthewindowtoseewhatwouldhappen,buttheyapparentlyfailedtonoticethatthewindowwasclosed.



RunnerUp


TACOMA,WA-KerryBingham,hadbeendrinkingwithseveralfriendswhenoneofthemsaidtheyknewapersonwhohadbungee-jumpedfromtheTacomaNarrowsBridgeinthemiddleoftraffic.Theconversationgrewmoreheatedandatleast10mentroopedalongthewalkwayofthebridgeat4:30am.Uponarrivalatthemidpointofthebridgetheydiscoveredthatnoonehadbroughtbungeerope.Bingham,whohadcontinueddrinking,volunteeredandpointedoutthatacoiloflineman'scablelaynearby.OneendofthecablewassecuredaroundBingham'slegandtheotherendwastiedtothebridge.Hisfalllasted40feetbeforethecabletightenedandtorehisfootoffattheankle.Hemiraculouslysurvivedhisfallintotheicyriverwaterandwasrescuedbytwonearbyfishermen."AllIcansay,"saidBingham,"isthatGodwaswatchingoutformeonthatnight.There'sjustnootherexplanationforit."Bingham'sfootwasneverlocated.....

ANDTHEWINNER:


1.PADERBORN,GERMANY-OverzealouszookeeperFriedrichRiesfeldtfedhisconstipatedelephant'Stefan'22dosesofanimallaxativeandmorethanabushelofberries,figsandprunesbeforetheplugged-upelephantfinallyletflyandsuffocatedthekeeperunder200poundsofpoop!Investigatorssayill-fatedFriedrich,46,wasattemptingtogivetheailingelephantanoliveoilenemawhentherelievedbeastunloadedonhimlikeadumptruckfullofmud."Thesheerforceoftheelephant'sunexpecteddefecationknockedMr.Riesfeldttotheground,wherehestruckhisheadonarockandlayunconsciousastheelephantcontinuedtoevacuatehisbowelsontopofhim,"saidflabbergastedPaderbornpolicedetectiveErikDern."Withnoonetheretohelphim,helayunderallthatdungforatleastanhourbeforeawatchmancamealong,andduringthattimehesuffocated."Itseemstobejustoneofthosefreakaccidentsthathappen."